Ive lived in Vegas for over a decade and have attended many, many conferences here as well as in other cities. FYI: I mean crazy in a flippant sense not as an insult to any mental health issue. She Won't Tell Her Husband the Gender of Their Baby Because He Refused I agree with Allison I think marriage counseling may be a good think to look into. But it could be so many other things as well. I ALWAYS wonder in these cases if the guy actually did do this, or is just saying that he did to bolster his own stance. This captures so much of what anxiety sufferers like my wife go through and what spouses like myself have to find a way to work through with their partner. Youre five minutes late? Group Black's collective includes Essence, The Shade Room and Naturally Curly. Someone this uptight probably doesnt have friends. Couples counselling isnt about sharing blame as it is figuring out problems in the relationship and working together to find solutions. You are married to someone who spent three days while you were traveling for work burdening you withgroundless questions about your conduct. Omg that sounds so much like my mom. I dont see it as misogynist. Autor de l'entrada Per ; Data de l'entrada columbia university civil engineering curriculum; hootan show biography . And as Alison so deftly explained it, the rest is all a matter of trust within the marriage. He would also get mad at my mom for not responding to his texts even when he knew she was driving somewhere. Your husband is way overreacting and yall need to figure out why. Couples counseling can be super helpful even if the source (so to speak) of the problem is one partner. And Im not talking rooms in crappy parts of town. Ive stayed in beautiful NYC and D.C. hotels for less than $130 a night. Just Saying. Hed get support from his friends and family. it says they WOULD even let their significant others go, not wouldnt! Being disabled doesnt give you carte-blanche permission to be a jerk.. Hes watched too many college Spring Break movies, right? I am angered that every time I have to go he seems to have an emotional breakdown. In summer it doesnt really get properly dark at all, and not until after midnight. We have a beach house and are splitting the expenses. If a person hasnt had much of a chance (or desire) to go to different places, your impression of them is far different than the reality. Conversely, if he came home with the same news, my response would be, Thats great! Ehhh, I actually dont see so much wrong with friends weighing in on aspects of ones relationship when a friend comes to me and says, This is something thats happening in my relationship, would you call that problematic? I definitely dont say, Its none of my business! I give them my read of the situation, just as they do for me. I mean, the worst thing that happened to me in Vegas was that I came back 10 pounds heavier from all the buffets. I suspect that he says that because he can frame it as Im only concerned for YOUR safety, rather than When you go to Las Vegas, I feel like I am not in control of you, and that makes me unhappy. I bet he doesnt even really think you will cheatits about knowing that you COULD and he wouldnt see and couldnt do anything about it. We are the City That Never Sleeps, remember? Context does not change would into wouldnt. However, I have to stay in London for a couple of days next week, and he encouraged me to go he said he needs to learn to be more independent and self-reliant. Or is he bad whenever you are off doing anything on your own? The whole city is like a giant theme park for adults. Im not judging one way or another Im simply suggesting that you look at your relationship through a bigger lens than just this trip. Youre an adult, OP! In my experience, OP, the best thing you can do to convince him counseling is the answer is to focus on YOU when youre talking to him. Their convention centers are clean, there are plenty of facilities for customer parties, etc. That said, in order to see them, we either have to travel to see them or they have to travel to see us. First, it doesnt workanxiety will inevitably find things to be anxious about, ultimatelyand second, its not reasonable or feasible to ask someone to do that. I obviously dont TELL people I have these thoughts because it tends to freak people out! Its partially a trust issue, and partly the horrible stories some people tell themselves. I deal with those worries by making sure he has the tools he needs to accommodate those shortcomings, not by hobbling his life. That doesnt mean I believe totally that hubby polled everybody and reports the results fairly, but it really doesnt have to be an indication that he ignored a local majority to find like-minded people. even though this event is in Las Vegas, XCorp still expects its employees to hold themselves to our high standard of professionalism, My team goes to DC every year for a conference and I always tell them something like, The conference schedule is packed and unfortunately were not going to have any time for sightseeing or tourism. Kids are the most common reason for this sort of thing, but other caretaking responsibilities can also lead to spouses being very accountable to each other for their whereabouts. Is he anxious about everything, or just the fact that youre going to vegas? But I suspect if I went for leisure, Id be bored out of my ever-loving mind. It was a hard thing to learn (Look, Mom, its so simple, just literally never leave the house and Ill never be anxious! sounds SO rational in your head when youre facing lots of catastrophic thoughts!) You don't have to fake excitement about every little . My bf and I traveled for work constantly. Feel free to point out where I did that. Sorry for the confusion. And the Flamingo is fun because its what I imagine the trashy, gaudy old Vegas was like so when Im there I pretend Im like a mobsters wife or something. If you find that it seems like your husband is starting to use the counselors words against you to get you to do what he wants, then leave counseling. He should not be demanding that you refuse to go on a business trip and unleashing all of this unfounded anxiety on you. While I was away, he made me upset the whole time with his anxiety of what-ifs and what-nots. As Allison said, people travel for work all the time. This was not such a culture. Her hotel room was amazing, and Im pretty sure it had a little museum in that hotel too. Yeah Im kind of surprised people are acting like theyve never heard anything bad about Vegas. Im almost always jealous of the cool stuff he sees in his job, but I cant imagine being angry or upset about the trips. This isnt about Las Vegas or about you or even about your jobits that he wants to control you, and any threat to his perception that he doesnt have complete control over you is going to end in a tantrum. That sounds like you, AP but the LWs husband sounds like the former. (Also worth mentioning: The ways weve developed the concept of masculinity in the US mean that many guys express anxious feelings as anger, so look out for that too.) But they LOVE the idea of going there and want you to have lots of fun! Unless youre her son. But the husband is the asshole how dare he worry about his wife, Absolutely get counseling. If hes of the mind that the husband should be the breadwinner then it sounds like insecurity about his own career. OP, I agree with the prior commenter who asked about your husbands travel experience. Marketing aside, Vegas is just a metropolitan center, and you dont look lose your morals the second you step off the plane. Do NOT potentially sabotage your career over this, especially if you are the main breadwinner. Conflict resolution. Bigger point being ITS NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS and not their place to weigh in. 20 Times Nature Gave Us Something Unusual to Admire, If You Have a Sweet Tooth, These 13 Products Will Help Pave the Way to Your Heart, 10 Amazing Things for Your Home That Are Extremely Cheap Right Now, 10 Best-Selling Products Thatll Make Your Bathroom Worthy of 5 Stars, How Much or How Little the Cast of Jurassic Park Has Changed 30 Years After the Films Release, 10 Tiny Items From Amazon That Can Make a Huge Difference in Your Home, A Woman Dresses Like Celebrities to Prove Any Size Can Be Stylish, How Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen On-Screen Rivalry Lead to the Best Hollywood Bromance in Real Life, 11 Times Celebrities Undermined Traditional Upbringing Methods, 7 Amazon Deals That Can Make Your Skin Glow Without Hurting Your Wallet, Monster-in-Law / New Line Cinema and co-producers. Are we sure that survey actually happened? Most business conferences result in 3 days on location you probably wont leave the hotel. Definitely ask him to go to counseling ASAP to work out these issues in your relationship and like Allison said, if he refuses to go it could be very helpful for you to go alone. My mom too! I think theres sometimes a tendency in certain corners of the internet to equate I have to talk to my partner about X before I can do it or My partner doesnt want me to do Y with OMG controlling relationship!, when there are lots of circumstances where that kind of thing is totally reasonable. I say this because I have a hard time believing that someone who had actually been to Vegas would hold these opinions about it honestly its not my favorite place because I find it too crazy and overstimulating, but I have never felt I was in any kind of danger. For the OP, thats the problem here. As a side note to all of this, I watched the original CSI religiously for about 8 years, and had never been to Vegas (no easy opportunity and not really my thing). I dont know any sex workers and it certainly would not be for me, but Im not going to clutch my pearls and start labeling other people,s choices as unwholesome and I have a big eye roll for people who do. This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. I dont gamble much. He does that three to four times a year. Food! Theres a weird dichotomy with that place. 4. Who the hell lies about going on vacation with family while simultaneously depriving you of a partner, coparent, and also seeing your own family. Same. I'm kind of dreading it because my infant hates the car and my 2 year old is not the sitting type. But Id want OP to figure out a little more what this behavior of his is really about, and make sure its not his way of trying to control her / torpedo her career, before Id recommend she let him supervise her work trip. Yeah, my cousin isnt allowed to travel without her husband. It is NOT his choice whether you go! Its just boring to us because we arent into flashy lights and gambling. About 3 months in (together 3 years now), I went for a very long walk, in a not-well-lit, bad sidewalks area, as I was used to doing. I just love when you have the oh you too? moment with strangers on the internet. My husband and I sat way in the back and giggled through the whole show. Unless, its a SERIOUSLY homogeneous group, whichis possibleunfortunately. I was thinking as I read the description, this sounds like its coming from someone who has never been on a business trip before (and re: the kidnapping, someone whos watched too many movies). Travel tip: if you go into a bar whose name would make Hooters say whoa, too obvious and use your corporate AmEx to cut lines of coke, you are probably going to run into some trouble. (except those gun dangers present everywhere in the US.). Agree that you should go to counseling by yourself if he wont go. The more I advance in my company, an the more trips I take, the harder it gets. So your husband just told you he wants to go away for Labor Day. of course im very careful around others who drink and make it a point to be responsible and not get carried away, kwim? I go on frequent trips completely by myself, or with girlfriends, and he is not at all jealous/controlling (he doesnt love travel like I do which is why hes not going with, suits us fine). When I was growing up, my mom would take a week off in the winter and go on vacation with one or two friends. Hes already proven himself to be irrational, I think his presence will not help LW even a little. Perhaps Allison can clarify and correct if needed? The kind of overwhelming, intrusive anxiety postulated here is still a control issue, 100%. They can also get into trouble in their own hometown. A few weeks after I started a great job, my mother-in-law literally messaged me and my husband to ask if we were able to put food on the table and should she send us money, so I can relate. That would be buying in to his controlling behavior and it would be a bad move for their relationship. I agree hes not acting reasonably; but answers like therapy are a long-term solutions to an immediate problem. Yeah, Vegas is like Disneyland now. So give yourself permission to stop trying, OP. If I had to plan something like this myself, itd be at the top of my list for a lot of very practical reasons. This absolutely doesnt make the response of OPs husband right in any sense, but figuring out why they are feeling like this can be helpful and can help figure out where to go from there. This sounds less like anxiety and more like controlling/abusive behavior. Take the same approach; its a problem affecting you both that you both want to fix. Contributors control their own work and . I do think theres a shadow of a legit work question in there, in terms of when/if its okay to refuse work-related travel. This is very aptly put Anonymous Poster. Choosing your career over your marriage is only possible when your husband turns a normal business situation into an ultimatum. The businesspeople in Las Vegas want to make money. What helped me was to realize that this is something Im prone to do, recognize it when its happening, and mentally tell myself whats real and whats not real. Vegas flights and hotels are cheap compared to anywhere else with their size convention/conference space. 4 Things To Remember When Taking Your Partner On A Family Vacation For Vegas is a perfectly lovely city where people raise families and everything!! What if he dies? Should I take him into account? Divorce is a valid option, if you choose to go down that road. And in the second place, theres definitely nothing that conflicts with the fact that surveying ones friends is not a great way to navigate ones marriage. Turned out my wife was in the backyard mowing but had taken a break before I drove up and my son was upstairs playing quietly on the computer. If anything those are probably among the safer places in the country. We have now been married 5 years and this is a thing of the past. So all the brothel skits on Reno 911 were a lie? Honestly, it feels awful. Breadwinner isnt necessarily sole provider. My ex used to pick up stupid little fun jobs part-time while he was going to college, while I was working full time and also going to college. He could use some time and a space where he could work through these anxieties with a therapist who could help him think of ways to handle them better. We had screaming matches over girls night out or any activity that might throw me in the path of men. This is great, Anon Poster. And to his credit, he cut it out. Fun for a night or two a year, too much otherwise. Youll be so exhausted from your meetings all youll want to do is get dinner and go to sleep! One thing I will mention about Vegas is that yes, like anywhere else, things can happen in regards to safety, but that city is so patrolled. I lived in that neighborhood for five years, and was perfectly safe. Say to yourself something like, I am not a therapist, and even if I were, it would be unethical and impossible for me to treat someone Im in a relationship with. Theres a lot of pressure on family to be carers and therapists and *everything* someone needs its not possible, its often harmful give yourself permission to skip that mess.
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